The host of the show in the stadium said, “We are all here today to prove to the world that Accountants are brilliant people. Can I have a volunteer?” One Accountant stepped up. The host said to him, “What is 15 plus 15?” After 15 or 20 seconds he said “Eighteen.”
80,000 Accountants started cheering “Give him another chance, give him another chance.” The host said “Well, since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you here and the world-wide press, I guess we can give him another chance.”
The host says “What is 5 plus 5?” After nearly 30 seconds he eventually said “Ninety?” The host sighed. Everyone was crestfallen and the Accountants started yelling “Give him another chance, give him another chance.”
The host, unsure whether or not he was doing more harm than good eventually said, “Ok! One more chance. What is 2 plus 2?” The accountant closed his eyes and after a whole minute eventually said “Four.”
Around the stadium 80,000 accountants started yelling “Give him another chance, give him another chance!”
Two accountants are working in a bank when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line up the customers and accountants against a wall, then proceed to take their wallets, watches, and so on. While this is going on the first accountant jams something into the second accountant’s hand.
Without looking down, the second accountant whispers, “What is this?”
The first accountant replies, “It’s that fifty dollars I owe you.”
A patient was at her doctor’s office after undergoing a complete physical exam.
The doctor said, “I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live.”
The patient asked, “Oh doctor, what should I do?”
The doctor replied, “Marry an accountant.”
“Will that make me live longer?” asked the patient.
“No,” said the doctor, “but it will make it seem longer.”
There once was a business owner who was interviewing people for a division manager position. He decided to select the individual that could answer the question “How much is 2+2?”
The engineer pulled out his slide rule and shuffled it back and forth, and finally announced, “It lies between 3.98 and 4.02”.
The mathematician said, “In two hours I can demonstrate it equals 4 with a short proof.”
The physicist declared, “It’s in the magnitude of 1×101.”
The logician paused for a long while and then said, “This problem is solvable.”
The social worker said, “I don’t know the answer, but I am glad that we discussed this important question.”
The attorney stated, “In the case of Svenson vs. the State, 2 + 2 was declared to be 4.”
The trader asked, “Are you buying or selling?”
The accountant looked at the business owner, then got out of his chair, went to see if anyone was listening at the door and pulled the drapes. Then he returned to the business owner, leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, “What would you like it to be?”