The Oddest Things Happen


The American Weekly reports two strange accidents that occurred in New Jersey last year. Nine elephants were plodding peacefully toward the Newark fair grounds when a small boy urged his insignificant puppy to “sic ’em.” The pup yapped shrilly at the heels of the leading elephant, and all nine pachyderms thereupon stampeded, scattering traffic and destruction until they were finally rounded up by six radio cops, two emergency squads, and a flock of motorcycle police.

A few blocks away a Mrs. Fitzgerald refused admission to a bedraggled and bleeding figure at the door, then discovered it was her husband Michael who had fallen off the third-floor sleeping porch…


That brings to mind the story of the battered figure at the Hotel Astor who demanded the key to Room 614.

“Room 614 is occupied by a Mr. James Collins,” said the clerk at the desk.

“I know it,” rasped the applicant. “I’m James Collins. I just fell out of the window.”


Meyer Levin tells this story about a little eight-year-old girl in a Pennsylvania orphan asylum. She was a gangly, painfully unattractive child, with annoying mannerisms and secretive ways that set her apart from the others. She was shunned by the children and actively disliked by the teachers. The head of the institution longed only for a legitimate excuse to pack her off to a reform school, or get her out of the place some other way.

One afternoon if looked as though her opportunity had arrived. The girl who was the child’s very unwilling roommate reported that she was conducting a clandestine correspondence with somebody outside the grounds.

“I’ve seen her write these notes every day for a week now,” she reported. “Just a little while ago she took one of them and hid it in a tree near the brick wall.”

The head of the asylum and her assistant could scarcely conceal their elation.

“We’ll soon get to the bottom of this,” they agreed. “Show us where she left the note.”

Sure enough, they found the note in the branches of the tree.

The headmistress pounced on it. Then she hung her head and passed it silently to her assistant.

It read: “To whoever finds this: I love you.”


Mark Twain made a fortune out of his books, went bankrupt when he turned publisher himself, and then paid every cent of his debts and became rich again by virtue of new writings and fabulously successful lecture tours. His financial troubles did not increase his affection for the banking fraternity. He defined a banker as a man who “loaned you an umbrella when the sun was shining and demanded its return the moment it started to rain.” He invented the story of a bank president who was proud of a glass eye that had been made for him by the greatest artist in Paris.

“Twain, you need $5000,” he quoted this gentleman. “I’ll give it to you if you can guess which of my eyes is the glass one.”

“It’s the left one, of course,” snapped Twain. “It’s the only one with a glint of human kindness in it.” On another occasion, Twain sought to borrow a book from a banker who lived next door to him. “You’ll have to read it here,” said the neighbor. “I make it a rule never to let any book go out of my library.” The next night the banker asked for the use of Twain’s lawn-mower.

“Sure thing,” agreed Twain. “But you’ll have to use it on my lawn. I make the same rules you do.”


Under Cover, the sensational expose of American Fascists and Quislingites, was turned down by a dozen publishers before it was signed up by Button’s. Every year, some manuscript that has been kicked around from pillar to post pops up as a huge best-seller.

Publishers never know just where the next success is going to come from, what obscure little writer is suddenly going to blossom into another Sinclair Lewis or Ernest Hemingway. John Galsworthy used to tell about a luncheon he had with his publisher near the beginning of his career, just before he sailed to the Far East on a P. and O. steamer.

“There is no new talent coming along in London,” sighed the publisher. “The writing profession is going to the dogs.”

“Cheer up,” said Galsworthy. “Maybe I’ll run across something while I’m on my trip.”

Several days out of England, while his boat was steaming down the West African coast, Galsworthy was approached by a diffident ship’s officer, with a manuscript under his arm.

“Mr. Galsworthy,” he said, “may I impose upon you to read this manuscript for me? English is not my native tongue, and I have never tried to write a book before. I won’t be too disappointed, therefore, if you think I’ve been wasting my time.”

Galsworthy promised the officer he would glance through the script. The officer’s name was Joseph Conrad. The book was Almayer’s Folly.

SIMMS’ Request for Quote (RFQ)

simms_RFQSIMMS Request for Quote (RFQ) Module allows for one-step translation of a requisition into a paperless RFQ document that can be emailed to selected vendors for competitive pricing via a buyer and supplier accessible system (portal) for managing requests for quotes (and other kinds of supplier requests).

Once responses to the RFQ are received, the information found there can be used to easily edit the requisition which can then be routed for additional approvals, or posted into a purchase order.

The responses can also be attached as documents to any line item in the requisition so approvers can view them in a centralized location.

RFQ is used in the preparation of tender documentation or for a simple price gathering exercise. The RFQ is a formal invitation sent to one or more suppliers for the cost and availability of goods or services.


RFQ is a particularly important strategic sourcing product, which automatically generates a purchase request for each successful supplier.

  • Determine the lowest cost and terms for an order.
  • Input manually or generate from existing order or remote request.
  • Manually input goods or services required or select from an item file.
  • Produce pick lists of relevant suppliers based upon cross-referenced criteria.
  • Show a supplier’s performance statistics from previous RFQs.
  • Generate RFQ requests direct from the Item Replenishment Module.
  • Record suppliers’ responses including price and lead times.
  • Generate a bid analysis sheet to assist in supplier appraisal.
  • Award items to one supplier or split them between several suppliers.
  • Manage highly complex non-commodity buying, as well as easier to manage commodity buying.
  • Create an RFQ from an existing requisition, or simply enter your bid items and selected vendors.
  • Create unique vendor access through a web portal with username and password for immediate responses.

For more information, visit or email today.

Fun with Fields

W. C. Fields is certainly the greatest juggler in the world, and some folks will swear he’s the greatest comedian too. His real name is Claude William Dukenfeld, which he signs to an original scenario every now and then just for the hell of it. He was born in Philadelphia, but ran away from home when he was eleven.

Some very tough years followed, “I was a big city Huck Finn,” he says. Constant colds and hacking coughs gave him his husky and rasping voice, repeated punches in the nose from older and heavier aggressors swelled and reddened his proboscis to an extraordinary degree. These two characteristics have become a sort of trademark; he keeps them up to snuff with frequent libations of Irish whiskey, a liquid to which he is not allergic. A lad came to see him last year who declared he was a long-lost son. Fields was skeptical, but asked him in. “Drink?” he inquired. “Coca-Cola,” said the lad. Fields ejected him with a roar of rage. “An obvious impostor,” he explained. Another time he returned from four weeks of location work in a town that was bone-dry. “Can you imagine me subsisting all those days,” he marveled, “on nothing but food and water?”

Fields’ first professional job was a combination of juggler and drowner at an Atlantic City beer joint. When business slackened, he would dive into the briny, and be saved just as he was going down for the third time. The crowd was expected to order beer and wienies while the waiting emergency squad restored him to consciousness. One July Fourth he “drowned” seven times.

His first great hit on Broadway was scored in the Ziegfeld Follies. He did a combination juggling-and-hokum act with a trick billiard table that simply defies description, and that would bring just as many howls of laughter today as it did then. One night Fields got a laugh where he didn’t expect it. Upon investigation, he found Ed Wynn hiding under the table, mugging at the audience. Fields, whose temper was not improved by his years of hobo camps and slow freights, hauled off and conked Wynn with a billiard cue. The crowd roared appreciatively, and laughed again every time Wynn clasped his sore head and moaned in agony. Fields calmly continued with his act, and later suggested that they include the routine every night. Wynn never butted into his number again.

“When I was a tot,” confessed Fields, “I swore that if I ever got in the chips, I’d help kids who were homeless waifs like I had been. For years I couldn’t afford it. Then came Hollywood and riches.” “Did you start a foundation as you had planned?” asked a girl interviewer eagerly. “No,” said Fields, “I’m afraid I didn’t. I said to myself, ‘To hell with them.’

Every time Fields goes to the theatre he writes a note to the house manager. It reads, “My wife and I will be in your theatre tomorrow evening. We will occupy seats number G-108 and 110, where my wife will lose a pair of white silk gloves.”

Tech Facts

simms_wisdomAccording to The Economist magazine, the first truly electronic bank on the Internet, called First Virtual Holdings, was opened by Lee Stein in 1994.

Browser safe colours refer to the 216 colours that are rendered the same way in both the PC and Mac operating systems.

Rob Glaser’s company, Progressive Networks, launched the RealAudio system on April 10, 1995.

The ‘Dilbert Zone’ Web site was the first syndicated comic strip site available on the Internet.

The first computer company to register for a domain name was Digital Equipment Corporation.

The first Internet worm was created by Robert T. Morris, Jr., and attacked more than 6,000 Internet hosts.

The French Culture Ministry has banned the word ‘e-mail’ in all government ministries, documents, publications and Web sites, because ‘e-mail’ is an English word. They prefer to use the term ‘courriel’.

The German police sell used patrol cars over the Internet, because earlier auctions fetched low prices and only a few people ever showed up.

The testbed for the Internet’s new addressing system, IPv6, is called the 6bone.

Though the World Wide Web was born in 1989 at CERN in Switzerland, CERN is mainly involved in research for particle physics.

SIMMS’ Fulfillment Module

simms_manufacturingThe Fulfillment Module was designed to work in conjunction with the Replenishment Module. Once a purchase order has been generated for the stock required to fill sales orders and the purchase order has been approved and received, the sales order is then listed in the Fulfillment Module waiting for the order to be picked and invoiced. Here the user can process all items on a sales order into an invoice or invoice individual items on a sales order. Also, the user has the option to invoice individual sales orders or automatically invoice all sales orders. This process is called “Recalculate Fill Quantity” (the fill quantity is the item’s quantity on a sales order).

SIMMS’ Fulfillment Module keeps all details of the stock you have ordered – or need to order – clear and concise so that you are not wasting extra time and money on stock the is not needed. Use this module to master your stock and your orders, all the while adding to the satisfaction of your customers and the efficiency of your stock management.

–          Comprehensive picking lists can be generated once selected quantities have been either manually or automatically chosen.

–          Fill quantities can be automatically filled using available stock or reset to zero, and can be recalculated at any time.

–          Order selection has been made simple, and can be filtered by customer, categories, or items.

–          Quantities of items already on purchase orders are displayed, avoiding the creation of duplicate orders for the required goods. Invoices that feature some or all fulfillment items can be generated, while any items that are already invoiced, or partially invoiced, are displayed.

–          You can manually enter only the quantities they need, avoiding investment in superfluous stock thus saving the user time and money. Once the required amount of stock is known, purchase orders can be created for unavailable stock involved in the fulfillment process, either an item at a time, or by the batch of required items.

SIMMS’ Fulfillment Module can help your business succeed owing much to its hand-in-hand link with SIMMS’ comprehensive inventory management software. Visit or email today for more information on how fulfillment can help you serve your customers with a much more accurate and higher standard than ever before.

A Paradise of Puns

Waitress: Hawaii, mister? You must be Hungary?

Gent: Yes, Siam. And I can’t Rumania long either. Venice lunch

Waitress: I’ll Russia table. What’ll you Havre? Aix?

Gent: Whatever’s ready. But can’t Jamaica cook step on the gas?

Waitress: Odessa laugh! But Alaska.

Gent: Don’t do me favors. Just put a Cuba sugar in my Java.

Waitress: Don’t you be Sicily, big boy. Sweden it yourself. I’m
only here to Serbia.

Gent: Denmark my check and call the Bosphorus. I hope he’ll
Kenya. I don’t Bolivia know who I am!

Waitress: Canada noise! I don’t Caribbean. You sure Ararat!
Gent: Samoa your wisecracks? What’s got India? D’you think
this arguing Alps business? Be Nice! Matter of fact, I gotta Smolensk
for ya!

Waitress: Attn! Don’t Kiev me that Boulogne! Alamein do!
Spain in the neck. Pay your check and scram, Abyssinia!

SIMMS’ Work Order

The SIMMS Work Order module is the cornerstone of the system’s Manufacturing Solution.

The SIMMS Work Order module provides you with complete control of the manufacturing process and the ability to see up-to-the-minute work in process information. This module is particularly well-suited for companies engaged in assemble to-order, engineer-to-order or make-to-order processing. Define lead times, suggested labor along with percentages of waste related to tasks completed, use fixed time or real time when assigning time to Work Order master forms.


  • The module empowers you to issue work orders, assemble kits, develop schedules and track costs associated with the manufacturing process.
  • You can evaluate missing costs, examine any variance from standards, check material shortages, analyze work centre capacity and confirm tool requirements.
  • Additional reporting capabilities inform you of the status of open work orders, work in process and work order history, allowing you to print inventory labels.
  • When SIMMS Work Order processing is used in conjunction with Bill of Materials, the material required to produce a product can be automatically merged from the appropriate bill.
  • All of the required paperwork to move the Work Order through the process can then be produced from each Work Order, including picking sheets and dispatch sheets.
  • Enhanced program management functionality helps control each step in project development and tracks all running costs to project completion.

Tech Facts

simms_wisdomA 55 kg laddu was made for Lord Venkateswara at Tirumala as a Y2K prayer offering.

Boeing was the first airline to discover the Y2K problem, way back in 1993.

Cyber Patrol, Surf Watch, Net Nanny and Big Brother are all access filters used to block access to objectionable Web sites.

Did you know that Domain Registration was free until an announcement by the National Science Foundation on 14th September, 1995, changed it?

If you are a resident of Tonga, a monarchy in the southwest Pacific, you could own domains as cool as ‘’ and ‘’.

On an average, each person receives 26.4 emails a day.

Shokyu Ishiko, a doctorate in agriculture and chief priest of Daioh Temple in Kyoto has created an online virtual temple which will perform memorial services for lost information.

The American Registry for Internet Numbers (ARIN) began the administration and registration of Internet IP addresses in North and South America in March 1998.

The Internet was initially called the ‘Galactic network’ in memos written by MIT’s J C R Licklider in 1962.

The morning after Internet Explorer 4 was released, certain mischievous Microsoft workers left a 10-by-12-foot letter ‘e’ and a balloon with the message, “We love you”, on Netscape’s front lawn.

Thoughts on Business

simms_cloudwords“A business absolutely devoted to service will have only one worry about profits. They will be embarrassingly large.” – Henry Ford

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost

“Never burn bridges. Today’s junior jerk, tomorrow’s senior partner.” – Sigourney Weaver

“The secret of business is to know something that nobody else knows.” – Aristotle Onassis

“It is difficult, but not impossible, to conduct strictly honest business.” – Mahatma Gandhi

“A real entrepreneur is somebody who has no safety net underneath them.” – Henry Kravis

“Good products can be sold by honest advertising. If you don’t think the product is good, you have no business to be advertising it.” – David Ogilvy

“Drive your business. Let not your business drive you.” – Benjamin Franklin